Upon the suggestion of Mr. Klib I started riding my bicycle more often, this was to offset my fuel consumption whilst attempting to use up some of my own personal reserves (big fat belly). After an great 15 mile ride I was jacked on endorphines and high on life and running on empty and running hot… wait those last two were Jackson Browne, strike that. So I decided that since I quit smoking and started exercising that I hadn’t purchased anything really frivolent for at least a few weeks (*punches self in reproductive organs*) so went over to the local Best Buy to look around and see if there is anything I could purchase to make my life that much more complete.
I entered the temple to consumerism while being assaulted by some sort of wind machine that activates when you walk through the door. Now I could easily look the function of said machine on this here Interweb but I would much rather speculate as to the function of this machine. I think the “door blower openermajiggy” is used to induce a state of confusion and also bombard the subject with ionized air in order to stimulate the smell center of the brain into a nostalgic feeling of electronics that in turn makes you want to buy new electronics. Thats what I think. I don’t care what it really does.
Anyway, as I was saying, I went into the store and looked around, not only had everything moved from where it was before and it was all garbage. I never really saw it as garbage before, but something inside me must have changed. I saw a few things that really pissed me off, there was a Nintendo Wii accessory that was made of plastic and shaped like a tennis racket, REALLY!? Is that necessary? You need to sell something that is shaped like a handle in order to slip it over something that is shaped like a handle? NTM that tennis racket thing is also a MASSIVE chunk of PLASTIC!!! There was Guitar Hero which in my opinion is one of the dumbest games of all time, and of course rock band. The object of the game is to stand in front of the screen and press buttons in time with the screen while diddling your little pick thinger… thats it, you either do good or do bad and then you go engage in some other douchbaggery like beer pong or invading sovereign states with fake intel. Then the urge to get a new T.V. hit me like a freight train, so I walked along the aisles looking at all the fancy hi-def flat screen tvs in awe with my simple little jaw agape soaking up the radiation. Then a commercial pounced at me from all sides, I was surrounded, I stopped and didn’t make a single move. I thought if I were still enough they would see that I was really nothing but a very well made mannequin and they would go on their way with trying to sell me something, no such luck, they must have infra red cameras or something because they tried to sell me stuff alright, for the store I was already in! Thats right, the commercial was for Best FREAKING Buy… I held my ears and ran for the door until I was safely in my car with the windows down and the radio off.
